Effective Communication:

Face To Face Communication

Eye Contact

An important nonverbal channel for communication and connecting with other people

Vadim Kotelnikov personal logo Vadim Kotelnikov


"The cheapest, most effective way to connect with others is to look them in the eye."  ~ Nicholas Boothman


Managing Cross-Cultural Differences

  • North Americans view direct eye contact as a sign of honesty

  • Asians view direct eye contact as a form of disrespect



you can gain from tracking "eye accessing cues"

By Michael Lovas3

  1. Know when to stop talking people who prefer visual information can't easily comprehend a lot of talking. The more you talk to them, the lower your chances of making a sale. So, ask more questions, and when you talk, be brief and effective.

  2. Watching the other person closely helps you connect with that person. People who feel as though they're being honestly listened to tend to like the person listening, and trust that person more easily.

  3. Watching the other person closely makes it harder for you to make the biggest mistake jumping ahead to plan what you're going to say next. As soon as you do that, the other person senses it. And you display it because your eyes will often divert from the person to something else.



Mental Fengshui: 21 Rules

  • When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

The 10 Essentials of Effective Communication

Why Eye Contact?

There's an old myth if you won't look at me I can't trust you. It might be true, might be not. But if they believe it, it's true!

Eye is one of the most important nonverbal channels you have for communication and connecting with other people.

"The cheapest, most effective way to connect with people is to look them into the eye."1 Eyes are not only the "window to the soul", they also answer the critical questions when you are trying to connect:

  • Is he paying attention to what I'm saying?

  • Does this person find me attractive?

  • Does this person like me?1

10 Rules of Effective Listening

By: Linda Eve Diamond

Maintain eye contact. In the US, not making eye contact has the connotation of someone untrustworthy. But realize, too, that steady eye contact in some cultures is considered impolite or aggressive.

12 Rules of Effective Listening

By: Geoff Nightingale

  • Concentrate don't start dreaming and keep eye contact

Cultural Differences

Source: "Language Is More than Just Words", Alix Henley & Judith Schott

In some cultures, looking people in the eye is assumed to indicate honesty and straightforwardness; in others it is seen as challenging and rude. Most people in Arab cultures share a great deal of eye contact and may regard too little as disrespectful. In English culture, a certain amount of eye contact is required, but too much makes many people uncomfortable. Most English people make eye contact at the beginning and then let their gaze drift to the side periodically to avoid 'staring the other person out'. In South Asian and many other cultures direct eye contact is generally regarded as aggressive and rude.

In some cultures and religious groups eye contact between men and women is seen as flirtatious or threatening. Men of these communities who do not make eye contact with women are not usually rude or evasive, but respectful.

Different cultures also vary in the amount that it is acceptable to watch other people. Some experts call these high-look and low-look cultures. British culture is a low-look culture. Watching other people, especially strangers, is regarded as intrusive. People who are caught 'staring' usually look away quickly and are often embarrassed. Those being watched may feel threatened and insulted. In high-look cultures, for example in southern Europe, looking or gazing at other people is perfectly acceptable; being watched is not a problem. When people's expectations and interpretations clash, irritation and misunderstandings can arise.

NLP Solutions: Eye Cues

The eyes can give valuable clues about how a person thinks. People have different mental maps which drive their behavior. Kinesthetic people tend will to look down more, while visuals spend more time looking up, and auditories look sideways. "This is because they each favor one sense to code and store general information as well as express it," writes Nicholas Boothman.1 "If you asked, "How was the Stones concert?" a visual would first remember how how it looked, an auditory how it sounded, and a kinesthetic how it felt. But eye cues can tell you more than who you're dealing with; they can also tell you what you're dealing with." When people look up and right, they are probably constructing, or making up, their answer. When they look up and left, they are more than likely remembering it.



Humorous Business Plan: Great Communicator

Targeted Market: "I like to talk with people who express my thoughts clearly." Unknown...

Communication Management Skills: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." Oscar Wilde...

Market Analysis: "Some read to think, these are rare; some to write, these are common; and some read to talk, and these form the great majority." Charles Caleb Colton





  1. How To Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman

  2. "Language Is More than Just Words", Alix Henley & Judith Schott

  3. "How To Master the Art of Reading People," Michael Lovas

  4. 10 Effective Business Communication Tips, Vadim Koptelnikov

  5. 12 Tips for Global Business Travelers, Sandra Sen

People Skills

Effective Communication

10 Essentials of Effective Communication

Connecting with People

Listening To Emotions

Active Listening

Body Language

Knowing People

NLP Technology of Achievement

Cultural Intelligence

Cross-cultural Communication

Managing Cultural Differences